Some of the others I pitched were The Out-of-Hand Marketing Award Brought to you by The Scorpion King's Four Cheese Rollerblade Ravioli and The Evel Knievel Consolation Prize for Failing in a Magnificent Way. They wanted me to give these out more often, so I gave My Disney Kitchen the Safety Council's Award for Rodent Infestation Awareness. In my review of VIP, EGM really liked the award I invented for it, the Presidential Boob Award for 100% Awesome. I've never been so pissed at a filthy thing for not dying from bacteria poisoning. When I was sure it had grown a thriving colony of toxic bacteria and diseases, I served it. Then I left the Playstation on, for three days. I made a turkey stuffed with cheese and hot dogs and set it on the floor.
The game does not allow you to include any poisonous materials in your baking. I was going to decorate a box of it with cake frosting and leave it near the front door they were constantly barging through. My first plan was, of course, rat poison. They're horrible leeches and they can't be killed. "*HISS!* I can smell your cooking." (click) And if you go through the lengthy click-click-click process to actually cook something, one of them will call to tell you they can smell it. They peek their heads through your window and sometimes just walk right in your home to invite themselves to dinner. Mickey and Minnie are the nosiest filthy rat-people you could ever live next to. If you have enough wrong with you that you'd want to simulate a kitchen, I'm sure My Disney Kitchen is adequate for your strange, simple needs. The problem with the game does not come from the simulation itself. Explaining this at any greater length would do nothing but humiliate us both.
You're in a housing project with Mickey Mouse, and this is a kitchen simulator. But a game where you get to pretend to not be Mickey but live near him, and then pretend to make pancakes, has always been such an unattainable dream that most children didn't even bother to have it. The dream of a game where you get to pretend to be Mickey and Mouse has already come true many times. You never know when the unkillable Mickey Mouse could be watching. EGM's Uncensored Greatest Hitsīeware, children.
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